3 Tips for surviving a harsh cold winter in your marriage

Inspire

Can this marriage survive a harsh cold winter? How did they get here?

Bob and Audrey had it all, a fruitful ministry, a thriving marriage and a beautiful family. The last thing on their mind was seeing each other as enemies, however, a severe winter season in their marriage threatened to bring it all crumbling down.

Both were busy with their jobs in the ministry and never thought it could happen to them until adultery snuck in like a thief in the night and shook their marriage to the core. To make matters worse, the adultery resulted in the birth of a child, a constant reminder of this one act of indiscretion.

If you found yourself in a similar situation, you might see your spouse as your enemy. That is understandable. Both Bob and Audrey admitted they struggled with feeling unlovable towards each other. Audrey describes how she felt after she confessed the affair.

“Bob walked in. His eyes burned with rage I had never seen before, an anger so intense that it lashed out and struck me with almost the force of a physical blow”

Restore: Choose to love

Like Bob and Audrey, Prophet Hosea in the Bible also had a messy marriage (Hosea 1-3). His relationship with his wife, Gomer was extremely challenging. Several times, Gomer went after other men and even bore children by them.

The betrayal and her selfish behavior caused her husband deep pain and anguish (Hosea 2). But she was oblivious to his pain. She enjoyed her irresponsible behavior so much that she wound up in bondage and guess what? Hosea had to buy her back. Can you imagine that?

Though Hosea was in a difficult marriage, he chose to love Gomer through her selfishness, unfaithfulness and irresponsible behavior (Hosea 3:1-3).

The relationship between Hosea and Gomer is a metaphor for our relationship with God. Our waywardness, rebellion, and indiscretions make us enemies of God. In fact, God commanded Hosea to name his third child Lo-Ammi which means, you are not my people and I am not your God.

Bob too had a decision to make. Would he see Audrey as an enemy and allow the situation to tear his family apart? Bob chose to forgive his wife and cover her and the child from the affair. He chose to keep his family together.

This was not an easy decision. Like Hosea and Gomer, (Hosea 3:4), it took time to process and work through the emotional and physical minefields from the adultery.

Bob and Audrey survived the harsh cold winter that threatened their marriage and both are in ministry again. They turned their pain into a testimony of giving hope to others so that they too can survive adultery, thrive, and experience the benefits of covenant relationships.

Hope: Call to action

Perhaps, you are in a similar circumstance and are wondering how to navigate the situation. I get it. I was once there too. Bob and Audrey’s story inspired and gave me hope.

God is compassionate. While we were still sinners he sent his only Son to buy you and me back from the sins that bound us and caused us to go astray. He came to forgive, redeem, and restore us. God chooses to cover and love us in our messes.

Are you choosing to stand for your marriage? Imagine what your marriage could be like if you reframed your winter season and gain a godly perspective.

Here is what you can do.

1) Don’t isolate yourself—seek help.

Bob and Audrey sought professional help as well as support from the community of faith. You need others to help guide you through this minefield because you are in no condition to find your own way.

2) Invite God into the situation and choose to forgive.

When someone hurts us deeply, it is easy to wallow in self-righteousness and lash out. However, you must choose to forgive, and give grace. Initially, I chose to forgive just for me because the pain was too much to bear but over time, I asked God to help me forgive. Meditate on the word of God daily and let His truth guide and guard your heart against runaway imaginations.

3) On the road to healing…Ask questions.

As you work through the issues that brought your marriage into the harsh cold winter, vulnerability, honesty, and transparency are important allies on the road to healing. Ask questions to help you work through issues such as communication, boundaries, assumptions, beliefs, attitudes, and insecurities.

Healing and surviving a long harsh winter in marriage is a process with every step surrendered to God. In my experience, a winter season in marriage is often a blessing in disguise that if channeled properly can propel us to growth and deeper intimacy that leads into a spring season.
Lord, thank God for your stubborn, outrageous, and unwavering love for us.

Is your marriage in a winter season? Share your experience in the comments below.

To read more about Bob and Audrey go to their website  or their book “Marriage Undercover”