“Is my marriage normal?”
If you’ve ever wondered why your marriage doesn’t feel as easy as it once did, you’re not alone. Marriage isn’t a straight path. Rather, it’s a journey with seasons of love, struggle, and deep transformation. While the romance of early marriage is exciting, long-term commitment brings growth, challenges, and deeper fulfillment.
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Did you know that a majority of divorces happen within the first 10 years, often because of unmet expectations, unresolved conflicts, and couples not knowing how to navigate the natural stages of marriage? But the good news is this: God designed marriage to grow stronger when we embrace these seasons rather than resist them.
Every couple moves at their own pace, and the marriage journey is not linear. Sometimes, couples revisit earlier stages as they learn deeper lessons. Whether you’re in the honeymoon phase or rebuilding trust, this guide will help you identify where you are and what steps to take next.
Let’s walk through the five stages of marriage, and how you can navigate them with faith, wisdom, and love.
The 5 Stages of Marriage
1. The Romance Stage – “Everything is Perfect”
This is the honeymoon phase, where love feels effortless. You’re captivated by each other. You and your spouse finish each other’s sentences, laugh at the same jokes, and can’t wait to spend time together. In this stage, you see the good in each other and believe your love is stronger than any obstacle. You minimize your differences because you believe love will “fix everything.” Both of you enjoy dreaming about the future and share deep emotional and physical connection.
The common experience in this phase is “We never argue. We’re just so in sync!”
Your relationship reflects the truth expressed in Song of Solomon 2:16 – “My beloved is mine, and I am his.”
If your marriage is in this phase, here are some practical tips for navigating this stage
- Enjoy the excitement, but build a foundation beyond emotions.
- Pray together to strengthen your spiritual connection.
- Discuss expectations early to avoid surprises later.
Remember that romance is beautiful, but real love is tested over time. This stage doesn’t last forever, so enjoy it. However, the long-term goal is to transition into a love that is deeper and more real.
2. The Power Struggle Stage – “Not So Perfect”
This is where reality sets in. You start noticing differences and flaws, and conflicts arise. Your partner’s cute quirks start to annoy you. Before long, small disagreements turn into bigger conflicts.
Case Study: Tommy and Suzie’s Power Struggle
Tommy and Suzie had been married for five years when their relationship hit a wall. Suzie wanted deep conversation, but Tommy preferred to keep things lighthearted and fun. When Suzie shares her feelings, Tommy shuts down. Suzie feels ignored, and Tommy feels pressured. Over time, their frequent arguments turned into long silent treatments, and resentment chipped away at their relationship. These cycles of withdrawal and push for connection can lead to feelings of resentment and distance.
Other issues in this stage often include one partner withdrawing while the other pushes for connection, the realization that your spouse isn’t exactly like you, old wounds from childhood or past relationships start surfacing, and arguments can feel more personal and you may even feel misunderstood or unloved.
The common experience in this stage is: “Why can’t my spouse just change?”
Many couples get stuck here for years if they resist growth. In this season, you may both be trying to change each other. But you’ll be wise to embrace the truth from Ephesians 4:2 and embrace humility, gentleness, patience, and bear with one another in love.
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2
With the help of prayer and marriage coaching, Tommy learned to validate Suzie’s feelings, and Suzie learned to express her needs without criticism. They both learned how to set rules of engagement before discussing difficult topics.
Practical Tips for Moving Forward in this Stage
- Embrace differences. Instead of trying to”fix” your spouse, focus on understanding them.
- Learn to communicate with love instead of reacting with frustration.
- Seek wise counsel—mentors or Christian marriage coaching or counseling can help.
- Let go of unrealistic expectations and focus on teamwork.
Most marriages get stuck at the power struggle stage. But those who embrace growth rather than escape will discover a love that is stronger, deeper, and more meaningful than romance alone.
3. The Stability Stage – “Learning to Fight Fair”
After working through the power struggle, most couples reach a place of understanding and acceptance. Their love matures as they learn to communicate better, handle conflicts fairly, share power, and understand each other on a deeper level.
In this season, you accept that your spouse is different from you, which is ok. Both of you still argue, but you’ve learned to handle them with grace. Instead of arguing about the same thing over and over, you take time to listen first. You ask, “How can I support you?” Instead of defending yourself. Your love starts to feel more mature because it’s not just about passion but deep companionship and teamwork.
The common experience here is: “We still argue, but we work through it.”
In this season, your relationship is based upon mutual agreement, and you’ve learned to fight fair.
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” – Amos 3:3
How to Grow in This Stage
- Practice healthy conflict resolution—listen before reacting.
- Keep dating your spouse to maintain emotional intimacy. Love needs fun and adventure even after years together.
- Grow together spiritually by studying God’s Word, pray, worship as a couple.
This stage is filled with hope as your marriage starts to feel secure. You’ve both weathered storms and you’re stronger because of them.
4. The Commitment Stage – “Choosing Love Daily”
At this point, you truly know and accept each other, flaws and all. You no longer “need” each other in a desperate way but choose each other intentionally every day. You and your spouse now understand that love is an action, not just a feeling. Even in hard times, such as financial struggles and parenting stress, you’re committed to working through it. You choose love over resentment, faith over fear, and teamwork over blame.
The scripture that best describes this stage of marriage is Song of Solomon 3:4 – “I have found the one whom my soul loves.”
The common feature of this stage is: “I don’t need you, I choose you.”
How to Stay Strong in this Stage
- Keep communication open – share your heart to keep your connection strong.
- Create new experiences together to avoid getting in a rut.
- Find joy in the little things – Be intentional about fun, laughter, and friendship in marriage.
This is where your love deepens in a way that you never imagined possible. You don’t just love your spouse, you like them, too.
5. The Co-Creation Stage – “Purpose Beyond Us”
Marriage now extends beyond just the two of you. Both of you begin to give back to others. Couples at this co-creation stage, often find a shared purpose, mentoring younger couples, volunteering or serving in ministry together. Your love is rooted in something bigger than personal happiness. It’s about God’s mission for your marriage.
You’ve been through many struggles and you now use your testimony to help others build stronger marriages. You are committed to spurring each other on toward good deeds.
“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” – Hebrews 10:24
The common feature here is: “We want to serve together and make an impact.”
How to Step into Purpose
- Ask God, “How can our marriage be a blessing to others?”
- Find a ministry or community project, or mentor younger couples who need guidance.
- Continue to nurture your love, even while pouring into others.
Marriage isn’t just about you. It’s about what God can do through you. This is a love that lasts beyond a lifetime.
Final Thoughts: Where Are You in Your Marriage Journey?
The Marriage Journey is NOT Linear. Understanding these stages can help you see challenges as growth opportunities rather than signs of failure. God’s plan for marriage is not perfection but transformation. His plan is far greater than you can imagine.
No matter what stage you’re in, here’s your next step:
- If you’re in Power Struggle, focus on understanding instead of changing.
- If you’re in Stability, keep building intimacy and fun.
- If you’re in Commitment or Co-Creation, serve together and strengthen your shared purpose.
Marriage is a journey worth taking, not because it’s always easy, but because God is in it with you. The key is to keep moving forward together.
Which stage resonates with you the most? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Prayer for Your Marriage
Lord, help us to embrace every stage of our marriage with grace, patience, and love. Strengthen our bond and guide us toward a relationship that honors You. In Jesus name, Amen.
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Trust: Knowing when to Give it, When to Withhold it… Dr. Henry Cloud
