Understand Love Languages to Enjoy a Loving and Lasting Marriage

Understand Love Languages to Enjoy a Loving and Lasting Marriage


Sarah and Dave have been married for nine years. They have two active kids, busy lives, and stressful careers. She works nights, and he works during the day. They love each other dearly, but lately, they’ve been disconnected and unsure why. Being so busy and not prioritizing time with each other could make them drift apart. 

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In Song of Songs, Solomon tells the Shunamite, “Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.” Song of Songs 4:1

I am studying the Song of Songs in my Bible reading plan. It describes a beautiful celebration of love and romance between two passionate lovers. As I read this love story, I noticed how they give attention and express love to each other. Solomon was captivated by his lover, the Shunamite. He generously complimented her beauty using metaphors and similes… “your eyes are doves behind your veil.” 

On her part, the Shunamite was passionately in love with Solomon. In Song of Songs 2:16, she says to Solomon, “My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.”

Reading their fascinating love story, I was curious about their love language because I think it had a role in their deep connection and love. 

 Gary Chapman describes “The Five Love Languages” as words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. These represent how a person gives and receives love which can significantly affect a relationship. 

Solomon’s love language is likely words of affirmation and physical touch based on how he expressed love and admiration for his lover. The Shunamite showed her passion and dedication to Solomon by serving and spending time with him. So, her love language is most likely quality time and acts of service. 

How is your relationship with your spouse… stale, drifting, arguments, or conflicts? Do you desire to grow your love and feel more connected as a couple? Like Sarah and Dave, have you been too busy to notice that you no longer spend time together?

Understanding your spouse’s love language will help you feel more connected, be more in tune with each other’s needs, and love better. You probably express love in a way that’s meaningful to you, while your spouse may have a different way. I encourage you and your spouse to take the Free Five Love Languages quiz to determine your primary love languages to improve your relationship.

3 Important Benefits of Understanding Your Spouse’s Love Language

Understanding your spouse’s love language has many benefits and is vital to building a healthy, long-lasting marriage. When you express love in a way your partner can receive and appreciate, they will feel loved, accepted, and understood. Here are 3 benefits of understanding each other’s love language in marriage:

  • Communicate Your Love More Effectively: Let’s say your spouse’s love language is “Acts of Service,” when you do things that make their life easier, like cooking dinner or running errands, they will appreciate it more. Knowing this can help you communicate and express your love more effectively, and your spouse will feel loved and respected.
  • Strengthen Your Connection: Understanding your partner’s love language and meeting their needs will strengthen your bond, make them feel valued, and create deep emotional intimacy. This will help you grow closer, love better, and improve your relationship.
  • Avoid Conflict and Misunderstandings: If your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, and you compliment or give them positive feedback, they’ll appreciate it. Not doing so could lead to misunderstanding and conflict because they feel unappreciated. Knowing your spouse’s love language can promote harmony in your relationship.

Solomon and the Shunamite show us what deep love, connection, and commitment look like in marriage. Even when they had problems and little foxes (Song of Songs 2:15), their marriage endured because of their deep love and commitment. Likewise, when you and I understand our spouse’s love language, we can show them love in an authentic way while meeting their needs. This will help us during difficult times.

What’s your spouse’s love language? What is your love language?

Sarah and Dave took the love language quiz. They realized they had been so busy they hardly had any time together. Sarah’s love language is quality time. She feels most loved when they spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. Dave’s is acts of service. He feels most loved when Sarah does things for him, like cooking dinner or helping with the kids. 

Over the next few weeks, Dave was intentional about spending quality time with Sarah. He put his phone away during dinner. They went out on more dates, and sometimes he surprised her with little gifts. Though it doesn’t come naturally to him, Dave tries more to express his love for his wife through words of affirmation.

Sarah felt more loved and appreciated than she had in a long time. She was surprised by the changes she saw in Dave. She also started doing more acts of service for her husband, knowing that it was his primary love language. As they continued to work on their love languages, their relationship improved.

So, take the time today to learn your spouse’s love language. It’s crucial to building a more loving, healthy, and fulfilling marriage. Knowing your spouse’s love language will help you communicate your love more effectively, deepen your connection, avoid conflicts and misunderstandings, and improve your relationship. 

Take a moment to read the Song of Songs and be inspired to enjoy a loving and lasting marriage. Also, take the Free Five Love Language Quiz with your partner.


Lord, I pray you will do beautiful work in my marriage. Forgive us when we have been complacent and taken each other for granted. Help us to make time to prioritize our marriage. Teach us to be patient, listen, and be sensitive to each other. Thank you for guiding us as we seek to grow in our love for you and each other. We bless and appreciate your love. In Jesus’ Name. Amen

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