Christian Marriage: How to know the signs of abuse, break free, and reclaim your confidence.

Christian Marriage: How to know the signs of abuse, break free, and reclaim your confidence.


Imagine you’ve just come home from work. As you enter the house, your spouse yells from the other room, what took you so long? You should have been home an hour ago? You tried to explain that there was an accident and the traffic was backed up. Rather than listen, he accuses you of lying.

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Domestic violence against women is an epidemic in the church. This subject is near and dear to my heart. I have encountered several women who shared stories of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse in their Christian marriages in the last few weeks.

And then, I heard about the Nigerian gospel singer Osinachi Nwachukwu, who died on April 8 after experiencing years of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse at the hands of her husband. A man who was supposed to love and cherish her.

Abuse is not OK…

Abuse of any kind is absolutely not OK.

Maybe you are in an abusive relationship or are not even aware you are in one. It’s time for the church to wake up and take action! It is time to speak up and speak out against domestic violence and abuse of women by their husbands.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship as a woman, it’s not OK. It’s not your fault, and you don’t have to stay in that place.

I’m not necessarily judging Osinachi’s husband since I don’t know the intricacies of their relationship. But what I know is that no woman deserves to be treated like trash.

What I also know is that as a Christian woman, you are first and foremost a child of God. Anything else, such as your role as a wife, mother, professor, teacher, engineer, lawyer, businesswoman, or a nurse, is just that… a role. It is not your identity.

You are a child of God first. And when you know who you are as a child of God, you would not stand to be devalued by anyone.

Domestic violence and abuse of women is just not OK

So let me tell you that you have worth as a child of God. God calls you daughter, not a punching bag! You are precious and blessed with all of God’s best blessings.

Signs of Abuse: How to Know You are in an Abusive Marriage

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You are:

  • Not free to express yourself.
  • Afraid of your spouse’s reactions towards you, such as yelling, putting you down, or telling jokes at your expense.
  • Constantly being devalued, unappreciated, and nothing you do is good enough. Your spouse has unrealistic expectations of you.
  • Feeling like you are not good enough- Your spouse makes you feel that your strengths are weaknesses. So let’s say you are a caring person. They might accuse you of not getting along with other people. In reality, you get along with people, but your spouse is awkward, and he projects his insecurities on you.
  • Your spouse defines you by your weaknesses and constantly criticizes you. You can’t seem to do anything right by them, so you doubt and second guess yourself.
  • Isolated- They cut you off and isolate you from family and friends. Your spouse is possessive and controlling. They monitor your conversations. They control what you do, what you can and cannot say, and who you talk with.
  • Your spouse pushes, shoves, or hits you.

These are some of the signs of domestic abuse.

Over time, you may lose your confidence and sense of self-worth. If any of these signs above exist in your marriage, it’s time to stop this cycle of abuse and craziness.

It’s time to stop, time to get help, and speak up. You are better off being alive to take care of yourself and your children than being dead.

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How to Put an End to the Cycle of Domestic Abuse and Reclaim your Confidence

  • Get help! Speak up!

It’s time to end domestic violence in all its forms- emotional, verbal, sexual, and physical abuse. It’s time to establish some boundaries. Reach out to your friends and family. Get professional help. In the United States, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 ( For all others, check with your local authorities.

  • Know Your Worth

You have worth! You have value!

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Here is the truth of who God says you are. Sis, you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14). You belong to God, and in Christ, you are blessed, loved, chosen, accepted, redeemed, forgiven, and blameless (Ephesians 1: 3-14).

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Ephesians 1:4

Listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you, says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Do these descriptions of you as a child of God sound like you need to be devalued?


So, Sis put on your crown, get out of that place, and take hold of who you are in Christ.

You are a Princess!

When you know and embrace your identity in Christ, you won’t put up with being devalued and being made to feel worthless.

God loves you, and you are precious to Him!

If you want to discover your unique identity or need help to get out of an abusive situation, book a free Discovery call ( to see how I can assist you. You’ll come away feeling energized to take charge of your life and regain your confidence.

Thank you for your time. Please help spread this message by subscribing, liking, and sharing this post with any women you know in abusive marriages. Let’s get the word out. Let’s say No to domestic violence against women in Christian marriages and in the church.

God Bless you!

Want to discover your unique identity or need help getting out of an abusive marriage so you can reclaim your confidence? Book a FREE Discovery Call today to discuss how I can help you.

You may also be interested 3 Tips for dealing with Thorn in the Flesh in Marriage and How can God allow so much evil and suffering?

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