Abba Father is written by Carrie Daniels, a friend, and sister in my small group. Her post is a part of our series on Encountering God by Name.
A Listening Heart
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Broken
When I was broken hearted not knowing where to turn, I decided to take my four children to church. The people there met us with open arms, no judgment, just love. The word being preached was about God loving us, accepting us just as we are, that we need only to come to Him. Here I was, a woman broken, by the sexual abuse I survived as a child, the three rapes I survived as an adult, the bruises I endured on my body, my heart completely shattered into so many pieces I was convinced it could not be put back together. Quiet tears rolled down my cheeks as the pastor spoke of God’s unfailing love for His children. Abuse was all I knew since I was five, my innocence stolen, boundaries crossed, no protection or providing support or stability like a Father was supposed to do. I was unlovable, tainted, damaged.
Abba
The only love I knew was that for my children, my reason for getting up off the ground and working hard to live and provide for them. I received God into my life; I received His Holy Spirit as God called me His daughter and He my Father, protector and provider. This relationship I chose with God allows me to cry out Abba Father just as Jesus did when His heart was full of grief the night before He died on the cross. Abba Father signifies an intimate connection, that we are truly God’s children.
God, You love me the same as yesterday, though my mess changes by the moment from hour to day, week to month and year. You hold me together connecting my broken pieces with the wholeness Your love brings. Each struggle I have You stand by my side encouraging me, holding me when I need it most. The more I run, the more You chase me. My voice once silenced by abuse, You gave me a voice. When words won’t do, You know my heart. You hear me softly utter just the beginning of a word, and You are by my side.
Unworthy am I, yet with unconditional love, You open Your arms, welcome me, comfort me, provide hope in my despair. Your light shines through the
You differ from the rest. Your arms large enough to wrap around my fears, my doubts, my hesitancy to be so deep in love, to let you see every part of me. Your words are sharp enough to cut down the lies and stereotypes. You stand behind me, not because I’m your prey, but Your stance adds to the strength I have gained surviving the assaults on me as a child and a young woman.
Your arms around me, not to hold me down, but to comfort, hold, cherish. Your hand swings toward me, not to hit or to bruise, but to grab my hand and walk with me through life, to keep me from jumping or falling over the edge. Your eyes gaze into mine, not in anger, hatred or disgust, but to express the love You have no matter how much of me you see, inside or out. Abba Father, I love You.
Prayer: Father, thank you for your deep and unconditional love. Thank you that nothing can separate me from your love. Amen.
We all need a reminder of God’s Fatherly love. Please spread the love and share this post.
Further Encouragement: Mark 14:36, Galatians 4:6, Psalm 139:17, Luke 15:20
Photo credit: Conner Baker on Unsplash
Carrie Daniels is an unwed Mom of four (now adult) children. She was raised in Minnesota and moved to North Carolina 3 1/2 years ago. In addition to her love of Jesus and family, Carrie works as a project manager, loves traveling and is passionate about sharing her survivor story through poetry, writing and speaking.
